This coming election will see the greatest number of electronic voting machines in history. Technology changes everything, and voting is no exception. Where you used to cast votes for dead people, bus voters from district to district to vote in each one, or have your brother count the results, now you can simplify your voting fraud with this handy guide.
Before we get into the how, I want to fill in those who have missed the news stories on the electronic voting machines. This wouldn’t be hard, there are no allegations of racism or gay pedophiles in the details so electronic voting gets very light coverage – if any. The details are mostly about one little company from Ohio, Diebold. Here are some facts on Diebold:
- They make ATMs
- They make electronic voting machines
- As of 2004, they made 80% of the US’s voting machines
- They give money to politicians
- They really like to give money to presidents
- Some people say their voting machines don’t work
- There is some other minor stuff too
Right, so Diebold is spending a good amount of time defending it’s machines to those crazy conspiracy theorists (wackos). The geeks are poking fun too, and no one needs that. Wait, did I say geeks? Oh hells no, the last thing you should do is tell a geek some technology cannot be hacked. Because not only will they hack it, they will make you look stupid for ever having said it couldn’t be.
And that’s exactly what Jon “Hannibal” Stokes did; he published the guide “How to steal an election by hacking the vote.” This easy to follow, step by step guide will ensure your vote counts; multiple times. Simply look up what type of machine you’ll be voting on (I hear amp’d mobile will support the guide so you can do this in the booth – because amp’d mobile just has cooler shit) and hack away. Well, sort of hack – it’s not like logging into the machine with the administrator’s password set to 1111 is hacking. Or picking the lock that is exactly the same on all machines. Or, if say you live in a area you know is voting the wrong way, just key the machine like you would the boss’s Lexus and force the supervisor to throw out all the votes. If you want to be a true hacker, just carry in a USB thumb drive and upload a virus that will be carried to the central vote counting machine, Skynet and head to Mexico.
If reading this article has caused you to loose faith in the election process, well it’s your own damn fault for putting faith there in the first place. Demand proof of government, only let God slide by faith.
Article appears on KnoxNews