Right now I'm staring at the glass of Kool-aid, my mind is working at fever pitch to decide its meaning. We are not talking of your average Kool-aid, no that would be silly, we are talking of the life altering kind popular in deep Mexico.
You may know I do not believe in fate; I've written on the subject in the past. Like every person though, my beliefs are tested. Recent events have given rise to doubt, and have poured this glass of Kool-aid that now sits before me. I can choose to ignore this glass and continue to reject the existence of fate, or I can yield to it's sugary poison and swallow my old beliefs.
The Kool-aid may only be a metaphor, but the choice it represents is very real. Inspiration has stuck me, but if I lift the pen this time I will be acknowledging the hidden forces that led to the inspiration. I also will be subjecting myself to a great risk of pain, a poet like any other artist is tied to his art; every piece carries a bit of himself. This work in my head would mean more than anything else I've written and I'm not sure if I can be that exposed.
Anytime in my life when the scales seemed balanced on either side, I've tried to allow time to unbalance one side to make the choice simple. I know in this case, I have some time, but to what amount is unknown. For now though, I will study this Kool-aid and meditate on where I can get some Vodka to mix with.
Posted By Mike On Tuesday, April 05, 2005
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